happy happy joy joy

dammit all to the devil 6 ways from sunday if i dont keep dreaming about paula deens “ladys brunch burger”. It aint lady and it aint brunch but it sure is a whole lotta burger. Weighing it at 60 grams of fat and 1000 gut busting calories of greasy delight.. This non diet gem should have been called something else. I throw the following suggestions into the blogosphere:

the “hope youve got medicade and medicare” burger…   the “trailer park deep fried guilt” burger.. and  “an oral history of suicide” burger.. something like that. yes. its that unhealthy. makes deep fried lard chunks look like caviar. chunky caviar..

now for anyone thats known me ive never had a diet issue. besides being pickey. i lived on fast food in the 90s (sorry mom and dad for this big reveal) and 2000s. (sorry heart, arteries). my favorite food now is chinese chicken wings. with soy sauce. umm yeah. now its the year 2012 and theres no way im gonna back down from this burger challenge*

alright friends. i hope youre sitting down… and i also hope you put on a diaper and your big boy pants.  if youre gonna eat this monstrosity of cancer inducing heart clogging caca youre gonna need em.. big girl pants aint gonna cut it. and nothing else will fit you afterwards.

the deliciously sinful recipe calls for the following:

a burger (duh). and fried egg. bacon. and the best part this is all sandwiched between paula deens idea of a bun: two big ole Krispy Kreme donuts! wheres the 3rd k when you need it? deathwish indeed.

now for my recipe modifications: im going to be using just one glazed dunkin donuts donut i cut in half,  not the two kreamy krispers paula calls for.  i wonder how this will cut down on the over all enjoyable taste factor of my meal.  but even i have my limits.

so grab the coffee enemas, the pepto, the tums, the beano,  the alli (if you can ignore the oily discharge/crap my pants side affect), the novardis pharmaceuticals danish diabetes medication and enjoy the ride. you wont have the 4 million dollar kick back and the silver frosted hair tips like paula but you will have the same heart pounding rush of struggling to maintain a normal pulse, the days and weeks of guilt at having gone there, and a few extra pounds of lard ass to keep you company along the way. oh the joy!!!

let me at em!!!


odie mama.

*if any health care professionals  are reading this or ive just applied for health insurance please disregard this entire blog… i normally only eat whole grain wheat grass flavored crackers and reverse osmosis steamed organic fruits and vegetables for lunch and dinner. i dont even eat breakfast and i skip all light snacks except for carrots.



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