cyborg diet.

ive always said that going to the bathroom was a time of waste. And a bigger waste of time.

I wish we were closed systems. Like batteries. Wouldn’t that be great. Imagine never having to eat again. therefore no need to shit again either, nor all of the unpleasant things that go with that.  The food we’re eating and growing is killing us. If we didnt need food we could eliminate our disasterous agriculture system completely.  Cancer rates would go down. Production rates would shoot up. no more bathroom breaks to interrupt the day. An extra room in the house where the crapper used to be. Less water pollution. Less greenhouse gases. No scary turd eating bowl to clean. No thirst or hunger because there’s no uptake. Less smells because there are no outtakes. No need for underwear or Victoria’s secret models. Imagine the time and the money saved. Imagine the benefits for the planet.  Imagine the diseases it would eliminate and all the fish that could swim unfettered in the ocean. No embarrassing moments in the bedroom.  Goodbye dutch oven + hello closed system lovin. That’s what im talking about!

The more I think about it the more I believe that World peace might be achieved with this system alteration.

John lennon should have written his song about this. Imagine there’s no poopin..its easy if you try.. no sewer system below us.. no need for pumpkin pie..(much better poems could have been thunk of.)

Im so convinced of the benefits to our lives from a closed system set up Id trim 20 years right off the average lifetime just to have it for everyone. You can thank me later.

I did the calculations before. And sadly all of us are responsible for the brown that’s killing the blues and the greens…If everyone makes one turd a day, taking into account the law of averages… (little ones crap 3 times  and the elderly might pop one off every 4 days) that’s 8 million friggin’ shit piles flushed down the waterpipes in nyc alone. And according to a visual survey of my neighborhood, that’s not accounting for the 50,000 unflushed, street savvy turds.

Ugh. So awful.  our water couldn’t get clean even if run through  a million aquifers blessed by god..well maybe in a millenium. but for the meanwhile we clean h2o requires lots of civic money and modern plumbing/waste filtration systems…so what do we do with it? You guessed right. we dump it out in the ocean.  Canada too. All of their waste. Just poured unfiltered right out there for everyone to swim in. who else is doing this egregious act against nature. well Its estimated that 80 percent of the human population lives near can see the problem. Those poor goddamn fish and their undersea nightmare.  (on a happier note, I always envisioned a herd of fish following a cruise ship and commenting on the dinner the passengers had that evening).

I wouldn’t eliminate food and wine completely. It has great social benefits. but Id make them optional.  ( I wonder how this would affect their market price) Weve seen examples of people that don’t have to eat and how wonderful life was for them. Like the T-800 terminator. Hes gotta feed that human skin overlay system somehow. or does he? he went several movies and didnt mention it. Ergo; it must not be a big issue. Example 2; Data from star trek? He could sit down at a meal with the crew on some roaring ’20s holodeck mission… sling back a martini and have some broccoli. Nary a complaint or synthetic burp in sight. I think he had some kind of cybernetic colostomy bag. He did discuss this in one episode. (Its not just me ok.) It just seemed so nice for these cyborgs to be able to do other things and not worry where the next meal was coming from. Unlike us and our physical burden of  a body. People do live to eat. Lets not be mistaken.

We have one family member, a pleasantly plump woman who makes the coney island kobayahshi hot dog whore look like Rachel zoe. I cant help but watch her eat when I go to her house for dinner. Shes pure eating machine elegance. The way she scans the plate for every last scrap, finds them, and vacuums them up them is unlike anything ive ever seen. Maybe jaws? Her middle name should be gout. I marvel at how she does it. I bet she has a double stomach. like kobayashi.

Some aliens* are believed to just excrete some kind of water based waste like birds and lizards. How cute. Why can’t we be like them? no external sex organs to worry about. No primitive 12 times a year estrus. No hormonal issues. certainly if this is true they’re happier than we are. How the hell did we get stuck with our “don’t touch keep clean” parts right next to our “always dirty have to touch parts”??? If I could ask god one question (after the why are we here and when will my play be finished) id ask him who’s idea that was. Intelligent design my ass (hole).

Dear lord I mean no disrespect

Gotta run. Going out for sushi. :)

*If they exist..



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