memories….like a picture in my mind..

2 things i figured out.

theyll never feature my blog on the wordpress homepage because it has swear words**.  if i want to gain mass readership im going to have to do it with blood swear and tears…maybe by 5000 posts someone will take note. im at 135…

**actually just read a humor blog that had a blatant “fuck” in it. theres hope after all.

second.  my play is actually turning out damned fabulous. im starting to feel it come together. i can say tonite im happy about it.

just as an overview. (this sections pretty rough. but just get through it to the car part and it gets better)

its been difficult writing dialogue because i want my characters to have positions on things but I dont want them to be mere metaphors or allegories for people. you know that whole symbolism thing is so 1970s. no way we are going there.

rather i want them to seem whole people . complex. . with vast amounts of intelligence humor wit sarcasm doubt beauty wisdom insecurity. all of these things mixed together and thrown on stage. to suprise and bequile.

no one is wooden. or plastic. no one has the same knee jerk response to an impetus in the room. its not a t.v. show with stock characters. its not a  2 hour charicature series on stage. thank god. homer will always like donuts. the mom in my play might tell you today you better shove the box because shes changed her mind. (shes nicer than this btw)

in general, as i well know, characters need to take certain positions to certain events so we can get to know them. thus the balancing act begins.

in our lives we play certain roles. some  more often than others.  theres the optimist. the pessimist. the funny guy. the asshole. the loser. the winner. the whore. the saint. the cheat. the honest man. the sad person… when we are analayzed by others from a birdseye view we get summed up in these one worders…we play like a single chord or not as we vibrate in the universe. have you ever thought of people as just notes on a scale? its interesting to try. as you think of someone you know very well humm the note they remind you of on a scale of high to low. we all have a place….a name and a face. and waht we are known for being most.

im the guy that asks a lot of questions. has trouble listening. is curious. and sarcastic. often times im too negative. i comment on everything. try to help. find myself on the fringe. dont want to get to involved but feel i might have a solution. im also the nice caring shy friend that can be zany and a real hoot. and a total optimist to the point of being unrealistic. ahhh. that was refreshing.

my role changes depending on where im set….

am i at work? out at a fancy restaurant. a china town slum hole? on the streets of new york fighting for clean air and foot room? am i drving. with music or without?

lets take a sharp left.

i loved how i drove btw. took the world by storm in that  old jeep. drove it so fast sometimes i nearly flipped it…(twice). saw mylife flash before me and flashed a smile.  when the muffler blew out my joy increased 10 fold. thats when i dubbed my her the general. shed earned her stripes.

The General had a low gutteral roar. her output wasnt pussy grade like some of those rice rockets people try to impress in. her voice was a pure low growl like a big boy harley. but better. smoother. more confident. that little jeep  was a 4 cylinder power beast. she didnt bother to take names. she just kicked asses.

she never failed me.  her loyalty was unwavering. she always got me home after a long night of bacardi and coke. no lime. i used to forget where i parked her. she always found me.  when it rained and filled with water she didnt complain. when it snowed she snapped into four wheel and blasted through the caca . it was marvelous. it was power…goddamn i rocked that car. i loved her.

i remember when i used to blast my weirdo selection of 80s music that only 45 year old mean also knew. for awhile there i even dressed up her seats with cobra seat covers and her extra tire with some tacky tweety cover. gaver her some bling bling when i got her some big ass tires and some rims like a real dude would. got her a nice bikin top so she was a two seater. just me and her.

then i got smart. I kept the power tires and the after market top, but i ditched the ghetto add ons like the seat and tire covers .i let that jeep marinate in her old age. didnt give a fuck about impressions any more when i drove her. didnt give a fuck about the dmv emissions tests future grade f report on the horizon. all i knew was that i was going to drive her til she died…

and then time passed. we parted ways and i sold her. she still was worth a lot after id had her 10 years. jeeps hold their value. but she was so much more. i was just thinking the other day id like to get another one.

its been awhile since i had one of those rum and cokes and blasted music on a radio. or got any “farfignuggen.” (i slaughteerd that. but in translation from the nazi it means “the joy of driving”.

alright kids. well for the meanwhile im carless but not starless. in the sense i have hope for the future and for future rides.


odie mama…



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