flamethrowers. love. (and words i hate)

my weapon of choice: flamethrower. sure, there are so many other ways to kill people these days and flamethrowers arent  near the top of the  modern soldiers list, but no other weapon terminates so poetically. plus, as far as firepower goes, it kicks major ass in that category too.

no i dont have one. yes , ive only seen one in movies. and oh what a weapon.  that fire shoots straight out , thrust by propellant, and surprisingly flows in a way you might expect water to. fluid. even. magical. it covers everything in seconds. it dances over brush and ground cover right into that goddamn nazi foxhole. take that bad guys. they run like hell but its too late. frankfurters for everyone.

it would be scary to be the person holding the flamethrower too. dont get me wrong.. one wrong ejaculation (i hate that word but im using it) and youre screwed. crispy critter time. i think the gas propellant they use to give the fire physicality also makes it impossible to put the fire out once youve been hit with it.  so if anyone ever opened the ammo cache im reaching for something else. like a grenade launcher.

how about improv flamethrowers? remember that scene in that james bond movie (roger moore) when hes in the bathroom and they send in the black mamba to kill him while hes innocently shaving and he uses a lit cigar and his aftershave to burn it up on the white floor rug??? i do. i think it was from live and let die. loved the film. loved the soundtrack. moore was my favorite bond. that all comingled in my mind and established itself like an homage colony to all things badass and 80’s. (i so miss that time. whenever i see and 80s flick i wish i could transport right back there but as i am now. no way im going back if i have to be a kid again with a  developing brain. no license.  no car and no house of my own= no freedom. that sucked.  i felt that way then and i wouldnt go through it again. since i was born in the 80s and wasnt able to enjoy all its strange fruits. the weird clothes and cars. the music that i love being everywhere. i could deal without having a cellphone and an ipod…no big deal to me. everyone else would be worrying about the cold war/chernobly and doomsday clocks… and id be sitting back with an ice cold glass of kool-aid, knowing the world wouldnt end until 12/21/1012 and investing in apple. microsoft. and exxon.)

theres something about fire (you have to say it like you would say “theres something about mary). theres something about fire. isnt there? . what is it that captivates the human mind. widens the eyes… constricts the pupils. gets the heart racing. warms the cockles>porno for pyros.* when i see it i feel my manimal brain being transfixed. glued right there to a candle. whats that primal part of the brain that supposed to control your third eye, etc… start with a p?…let me find it. yep. found it pineal gland.


the pineal is like a primal gland that controls our mood and growth levels and our seasonal off and on switches through hormones like seratonin, etc. interesting… the gland’s gotten smaller in humans over time. i wonder what thats done to us is terms of intuiting and caring for the environment. the pineal is also known as the “third eye” within the human brain. research on your own acccord if you like. but it was the main source of interesting when those guys did the dmt experiments in the 90s.

i feel my deep animal underbrain being transfixed when i see fire.    i could stare at candles for hours. or some nice logs burning in a fire place. and im not the only one. netflix has a whole movie it uploaded during christmas that is just logs burning in a fireplace. i watched it. :) it was wonderful.

i think fire has a hold on us because its alive in its own right. its unpredicatable. uncontrollable. humans love to tame things. fire will never be one on that list of conquered elements. truly conquered. and so it has mystical power even in our modern lives of control control control. it is far easier to explain “theres something about fire” in the cavemen days. and the days of prometheus. prometheus means forsight. interesting character. he had a brother Epimetheus; afterthought. he was the family idiot. obviously.

*disclaimer; i am not a pyro. i am afraid of fire. really.


alrighty then. im finishing todays blog with a random note inspire by my least favorite words…this was a topic i wanted to cover a few months ago but nows a great time. ill add to this list as time goes on.

(yes the words tend to involve bodily fluids, functions, sex terms, disease….etc. how obvious.)

words i hate

ejaculation. semen. moist. panties. vagina. (even worse when theyre all in the same room at the same tiime) phlegm. bile/bileous. turpid. stupor.  gorgeous (i think its the sounds and the people that overuse it?) breast (for a short word its hard to say. fleshy. and it has  strange, unpleasant societal weight to it.) piss. funky. constipation. diarrhea (i dont mind saying it. i hate hearing it). cocksucker. (also borrowed from Carlin. no one says this in our time so not a big deal anymore). fart (just used this the other day too. forgive me).  spit. mucus.  penis.  musty.

i know there are more. this list is good as of february 24.

for balance ill do a list of names i hate. names i love. and words i love.  just not today.


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