Did you guys hear about the russian tattoo artist that tattooed his hairless cat??? The moron had an assistant inject his poor cat with anaesthesia and hold it down on a table while he tattooed its tiny, hair free chest.*
*how come assholes like this can always find a helper?
heres the link to the news story: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/russian-man-sparks-outrage-by-tattooing-689758
as if subjecting an animal to a tattoo wasnt enough cruelty, timur rimut (yes, thats the morons name) spelled the tattoo wrong as well. he meant to tattoo “carpe diem” in cursive. “seize the day” indeed. Instead, he inked “Carpe deem”. “seize the moron pet owner”. Timur, in his infinite stupidity, also found time to film a video of his trangressions and post it on youtube for the world to witness. it didnt take long for the everyone to take notice and for me to read about it in the news.
when i relayed the sphynx torture story to my dear sweet Odie (the hairless cat that inspires this blog.) he cried “seize timur’s balls”!
Odie’s claws rarely come out since hes a loving and well balanced cat. his lifes mission is snuggles and hugs and wet nosed kisses. He’s all about order, rationale, cool common sense, i.e., always do #2 in the back of the litterpan, and #1 in the front. He’s about equality and justice. chicken or beef? he’ll take both. his wisdom is expressed in his theory of moderation. plenty of naps, plenty of sunshine, plenty of backscratches and plenty of playtime. all in equal measure. it does his sphynx body good.
i dont blame odie for his reaction. i felt the same way about this timur guy. when i read the news. and we arent the only ones who want his air filled head on a stick. Outrage has spread worldwide. Animal activists and the humane alike have watched his video and called for some sort of punishment. and the timur hate club is growing. As of yesterday the video had 100,000 hits and an endless chain of anti timur comments. this reponse proves that the world believes tattooing an innocent animal is a criminal act, akin to animal cruelty and torture. what will happen to infinite moron asshole Timur? (and what good family will adopt his poor sphynx)
after getting up to speed on the whole afair I believe timur will definitely get jailtime. even if there are no laws on the books in russia explicitely preventing such a crime, enough international outrage has been raised that timur cant possibly escape scot free. im recommending a prison sentence of 6 months to a year+ Hard labor+ salt mines+siberia. I also hope that timur is matched with a very big and tall hairy smelly gruff man that makes sure our little tattoo artist Timur doesnt get too lonely at night while hes locked up in the clink clink. Wink wink. ;)
But Odie has a better idea. cats always do. He wants cats themselves to exact justice. this is more along the lines of an eye for an eye. I agree this could be wonderful solution to the timur tattoo debacle.
Odies not the first one to think of cats being used for justice/punishment. In greece during the occupation (1940s) a resistance person was thrown into a bag with 5 very pissed off cats. Not declawed. Doest take long to die that way my greek teacher told me. I also have a feeling that at certain times this certain bag of chaos and pain was thrown in the water for quicker killing effect. does anyone else recall this? probably happened during the witchhunts?
but, as i explained to odysseus, we don’t want to do either of these forms of punishement because we don’t want to hurt any more cats. What would work for everyone is the cat o nine tails. This medieval torture device was a whip that beat the living piss out of naval offenders/prisoners/etc during sailor times. And boy was it effective. rends the flesh from your body effortlessly. The more lashes you received the more likely you were to die due to infection. so in some cases as a final act deemed kind they threw salt water on the wounds to brine them against infection. Can you imagine the pain!!! Holy holy. not nice stuff at all.
of course we dont want timur to die. do we odie? odie? calm down. thats not nice…
yes we should whip the hell out of timur in public.
But this is how it should be done*. Timur would be told how much he was loved and how cool he was going to look when it was all over. then he would be held down on his back on a table by a person he thought was his friend. Then hed be administered an inadequate amount of anaesthesia and then whipped as long as it took him to complete his cats tattoo. 15 minutes? then sad sad timur would be left alone. When the painkillers completely wore off too soon he would be told “oh well” and that hed done a great job and looked great. then they would force him to take a ton pictures with the people that whipped him.
*For best results the punishment should to take place in the town square and be beamed via sattelite worldwide, live, like a saturday night showcase. The exactors of justice should also make a youtube video of timurs punishment and saturate the internet with it. This would help deter crimes of this nature from happening in the future.
what a wonderfully perfect idea. and odie thought of that. i love my cat.
alright everyone.. much love to your and yours and your animals.