DIYDS LAUNDRY!! *

DIYDS LAUNDRY: a users guide.     (please read disclaimer before attempting these techniques)

Are you paying an exorbitant amount of rent but live in a small apartment with no washer and dryer even though it should have a washer and dryer and you want to do your laundry at home because you dont want to go down to that basement or to the local laundry mat wheres theres never any change for your dollars that the coin machine struggles to accept anyway, the washers and dryers are dirty and broken, it takes way too much time out of your life, the other people there are scary, and sending it to get done at the cleaners costs way too much friggin money? if you said yes yes and more yes then youre just like me!! congratulations, sadly. welcome to the ills of “public” laundering.

dont be discouraged, stranger/friend. its still possible to launder at home. i had this problem and i problem busted it!!!  now id like to share my amazing problem busting solution with you.

here are odie mamas fabulous tips on DIYDS (do it yo’ damn self) laundry.

items needed:

big ass pot.

hot water.

large stirring spoon.

liquid dish soap (pick a flavor you’d like to smell like. apples always good. do not use regular laundry detergent. its too strong)

microwave.

hangers.

an open mind.

now the good thing about this  DIYDS home laundry is that the rules are pretty lax…

no big pot? use several small ones. no large spoon? use your damn hands. no dish soap? use liquid body soap. no hangers? use a coat hook… no microwave? well that one you need. (unless you want to hang dry)  important reminder #1. DO NOT MICROWAVE METAL.

steps:

1. grab your laundry. ewwww.

2. remove all  non wash items from pockets, pouches etc.

3. seperate darks and lights. if you feel like it. i recommend this.

4. throw an ample amount of that dirty laundry jazz into your large pot. put pot in the sink/tub. add hot water

(the hotter the better  because it tends to give you a better clean. the drawback to hot water is it tends to shrink delicates and make colors run so pick the water temperature that suits what you’re washing best. (if unsure-use cold water.)

5. add an ample amount of dish soap.you can do this step as youre adding the water. only you can prevent forest fires and only you know how really dirty your clothes are. for the average bear 3 large squirts (hate that word) of liquid soap ought to do it.

6. and stir.

7. and stir again.

8. put lid on pot.

9. let sit for 30 min. or an hour. watch tv. write your blog. make that phone call youve been meaning to. run around your house naked while enjoy the freedom of DIYDS laundry. take as much time as you need; only you know how dirty your clothes really are.

10. go back to pot. dump water. keep clothes. add clean water to rinse. and let soak.

11. let soak. let soak some more… watch tv. eat popcorn. return to pot. 10/20 minutes… (you can skip this step and go ahead to 12 if you’re crunched for time)

up until this moment the laundry was doing itself…nows the part where you actually need some muscles.

12. rinse laundry thoroughly. no one wants a crotch rash. or do they? …

13. squeeze as much water out of the clothes as you can. alrighty then.. the hard work is done!

now on to the drying part. if you are worried about shrinkage just hang dry….

14. put clothes into microwave.

important reminder #2. DO NOT MICROWAVE METAL. you will blow up your house. if you do not know what constitues metal heres a short list. metal. loose change. shiny things. zippers. decals that sparkle. anything that sparkles. yes, some prints on shirts, etc are metallic based.  buttons. pins. badges. mirrors (i dont judge). sequins….for further questions consult your handbook.

important reminder #2.5. DO NOT MICROWAVE METAL.

important reminder #3.  DO NOT MICROWAVE DRY CLOTHES. they will catch on fire. and could kill everyone.

15. microwave a batch thats not too big and not to small. (about enough to fit on the turnstile and turn). for around 3 min…  until nice and steamy.  watch it to make sure your  luandry does not catch on fire. you are the gatekeeper. keep your clothes safe. err on the side of less time. if not sure… start with 2 minutes….

16. do not burn self when getting laundry onto hangers/racks to dry. it will be steamy/boiling hot after the 3 min.

17. let hang dry.

18. enjoy!!!

*DISCLAIMER:

diyds laundry can be risky (the microwaving part). and is a potential fire hazard though an excellent time and money saver.

eyesofodysseus and its author are not responsible for anyone and anything that is harmed damaged or injured killed maimed or singed from attempting the skill set advocated in this blog.

diyds laundry is just for entertainment. the stunts odie mama used to do her own laundry at home were done by a trained stunt person/ expert.

do not attempt these techniques at home.

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3 thoughts on “DIYDS LAUNDRY!! *

  1. A bit time-consuming, but sounds very doable… re: quantities of laundry vs. time… since I haven’t had a way to do any laundry for oh, six months or so (mostly financial obstacles, to wit: which to use available $$ for: food, or laundry…. no brainer…) this will take a while to catch up, but, hey, I don’t have anything better to do for a while, so.. thanks!….

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