for some reason today im trying to stay positive. shouldnt be hard. i have a loving home, a loving cat that has no hair (how cool is that), and extended loving family of close ones and friends, all the vital essentials that sadly most people fight for every day..and a whole lot of everything a girl could need. so why has waht i would best be described as an inner spiritual rigor mortis set it? im active. im working on creative projects. there really is no need for the emotional frown cloud. (its harder for me to rebound from these downers when i know that i have no reason to legitimately feel this way in the first place. )
is anyone else feeling a short of this cant be spring malaise? if so maybe is celestial? sure, sure, we cant be happy all the time. but why not? i wouldnt mind that. i can’t believe would be such a bad thing. one things i would love to alter about my general genetic makeup is a tendency to have these moments. some people just dont experience these down times ever. the world could be ending and they’d have kind things to say. some people have them constantly. i think its in the bones, etc. im in the middle somewhere.
hopefully tomorrow dawn will hit and trigger whatever need activating to get me back on track. happy. productive. and believing in the work im doing. thats the first thing that suffers when i feel like this. confidence. i was reading through all of my writing today and i couldnt find any redeeming qualities in it. things ive worked on for two years plus. i can assure you that was scary as hell. and a caca way to feel. bummer city.
alright. sorry that im not up for a happy send off. i guess i could just say that i honestly hope no one else is sharing in this shittty feeling.
i still send all of my and odies love and hugs to all of you.