our reflections continue.
this 1.5 years of blogging has been an experience like i never expected. for a multitude of reasons. as weve mentioned before (and i hope you dont mind us mentioning again) when we first started this blog it was all written. We were scared to type out those first thoughts and share them with the world/press publish, not only because wordpress made me work hard to figure out what the hell i was doing… but also/mostly because id been harboring such a mixed bag of dialogue, thought, analysis, critique, wonder, depression, happiness in my mind (frozen in a retreating, hermit state) for a number of years (30). I was afraid to surface and share that mixed bag, unnecessarily fearing mixed results. In some ways we still hold that hermit state of existence sacred. weve never revealed ourselves. never shown our face. never spoken too much about who we are and what we do. and this won’t be a time to start to do all of that.
we have always wanted odie to be the face an mascot of this blog. and hes done such a good job of it, i want him to continue to do so.
i think all of my life I’ve valued my privacy above all else. part of it was a fear that my unconventional thoughts and language would be judged negatively… growing up in my critical household and then facing the beasts they called children in grade school-highschool only helped solidify my fears – those slightly unconventional in thought and dress (no, i wasnt a goth) were a target of social assassination. also compelling me, the belief that thoughts, once aired to the world, are no longer as valuable. playing your cards close gives a ‘winning hand”.
extra credit: knowledge, like wealth, is limited.
to this day we find ourselves most comfortable
(writing about ourselves in the third person, which even i think is strange) talking to people in one on one conversations. so i guess we are more of a person person than a people people person. ha. i shy away from large crowds and find myself internally split if i have to entertain more than one persons attentions at a time. how can i fully acknowledge and honor 2 or 3 personalities in a room. i just saw a documentary about a legendary a**hole, known for working the room. he paid no one any real attention. then just as those in that group were growing tired of his fakery and disingenuous nature he switched things up ( lest it be discovered) by turning his trite conversation to a person standing far way from the group he was in. he never made eye contact with anyone the entire time. i can see him being the type that would try to pull that flim flam with peter at the gates.. except hes going to hell.
Regular life interactions also dissuade me…though i must make it known i suffer no borderline agoraphobia. i think its that im more sensitive to how we all feel in the village square – that slight tinge at walking into a crowded restaurant, as an example.
I am most comfortable in dream. we are most happy when writing. and when I do venture out into the night forum, minus odie, I am most at ease after a bacardi splash of coke no lime. a little drinky poo has always been a way for us to shed that visible wall barrier that i place between myself and “the world”. we are not abusive about it and thus find it an effective lubricant.
exposing oneself so openly not only targets you for judgement (of all sorts be it good or bad it is judgement all the same) it leaves you vulnerable. and perhaps thats the most critical of emotions I’ve attempted to avoid all of my life. belly exposed. political beliefs and conspiracy theories known…. and never arms long enough to flip back over, shell upright once more.
ive learned that people appreciate beautiful people most before they’ve spoken. so there are times ive tried to hold my tongue until that last moment. perhaps ive made this up? perhaps its my habit of speaking non stop once those initial words have passed my rose colored lips?
neverthless, after pressing the publish button the first time, our blog progressed. we tried to become more enjoyable. we added a few pics along with the writing. then we went all pics with deep analysis of the pics. then we went one pic no analysis. and now we waffle between one pic with little writing and lots of writing and lots of pics. its all a mixed bag and we like that our blog has no rigid requirements.
weve met incredible people, learned that we are all trying to steer our ships in the right direction, that most of us have pet companions that inspire us just as much as odie inspires me, and that even though a lot of people in the real non blog world think odie looks like “an alien and a freak” when i proudly display his pic, there is a sensitive and education constituency that inhabits wordpress and can appreciate his unique beauty. many of us are creative people looking for that extra zest of confidence to get our first works published. many of us care about the world and humanity and want each other to be positive. we are encouraging, and emotional, and believe in the unseen. we enjoy wordpress as extension of our true voices.
with our semi anonymity we are able to share, and exercise our writing skills, and convey a truth you dont see on other caca social sites.. no need to name the swirling cesspools that give carte blanche to false prideful egos on parade. we navigate around them to get here, the safe zone, every day.
how has your blog evolved. how have your portrayed your truth on this site? which facts of yourself have you chosen to share and which have you chosen to hide? how has blogging made you better?
hugs, as always,
O and OM