The Liebster Award!! OMG odie, we’ve been nominated!!

Dearest Odyssians,

wowzers!
wowzers!

We’ve been nominated for the Liebster Award. In the past we’ve been bad about following award rules , so this time we’ve taken extra care to answer all the questions and nominate our fave blogs for the award!

Thank you to mamasheri for nominating us. We are truly appreciative and humbled. your support keeps us bloggin’!

and so it begins….

The rules of the award are:

  • Answer the questions below.
  • Nominate 11 bloggers (i have nominated 12)
  • Inform your nominees by posting a link on their blogs

Questions:

  • What first inspired you to start writing a blog? 

short answer: anger.

(the good kind)

Long answer: Odie and I had always wanted to share our most personal thoughts in the written form, but were scared to. We wanted to type thousand page entries of exciting personal insights and opines and share them with the world every day, yes, but we werent sure they would be understood, let alone enjoyed if we did. And, sadly,  prior to December 2011, that fear kept us quiet.

Then, one night, after several months of thinking “we should start a blog, we really need to” yet not doing anything,  we had a phone conversation with a long time friend. She basically chalked up our inaction to failure. Not passing failure. Not something that would be mitigated in our lifetime. This was more an agonizing drawn out, long lasting, permanent failure type failure. In her eyes we were inept losers.

We knew this wasnt true, despite not having published anything, so what she babbled insensitively made us very angry. Instead of reaching through the phone to b*tch slap her we grabbed our keyboard and started typing. Thus “Eyes Of Odysseus” was born, from a cauldron of boiling spicy hot mt etna level rage.  Our passion to blog has yet to cool: We’ve blogged daily since dec 2011 (with two notable exceptions). Daily blogging is our commitment to keep writing and a grand way to prove to the world and to ourselves that our ideas, thoughts, dreams, musings, quotes, quips, gripes, and hallelujahs are worth sharing.

rage can be a good thing!
cauldron of inspiration
  • What is the biggest challenge you have had to face when writing a blog?

short answer: keeping it fresh.  a great writer has a 1500 fresh, exciting word production limit per day. or so ive heard. I personally can attest to that.

Long answer: Originally eyesofodysseus was a written blog dotted with the occasional picture. It has since morphed into a daily photo blog with an infrequent musing mixed in. Because of the other written projects that Odie Mama  has dedicated herself to it has been hard to devote time energy mental focus and acuity on a written blog and to her written projects. Switching to picture blogging has made blogging a pure delight and freed me up mentally for my personal projects.

Besides, we at eyesofodysseus believe that a great picture is worth 1000 word plus.  We know from experience that writing those thousand word blogs took hours, even when forgoing spellcheck  giving spellcheck and grammar duties to odysseus. Odie’s always too busy chasing his tail, soaking up heat from the vents, or sleeping to be bothered with his only blogging chore. though OM must admit the little bugger is always good for inspiration.

We thank our readers for their understanding our typo laden blog entries. Also, feel free to check out our archives for more writing than photo entries. early 2012 ish ought to do the trick.

  • If you traveled through time, what time would you want to arrive at and why?  

short answer is also the  long answer: wed travel to the future where time travel is possible and then hit every great decade along the way going back a million years. each day a new generation…awesome!

  • Do you prefer to eat chocolate, sweets or neither?

this ones easy. chocolate (OM only as chocolate would kill odie). Sweets (both O and OM). odie loves sugar!  Never neither for either (of us)!!

  • Do you prefer to read or write?

I prefer to read out loud from a fave book to odie. these days i write more than read. hoping to reverse the trend and read my novel aloud to him one day soon.

  • What is your favorite genre of writing and why?

Biography and then the opposites: sci fi/fantasy/adventure. mystery/thriller. Anything that couldnt really happen. more exciting than real life=pure diversion.

  • What is your favorite non-fiction topic to read about and why?

History. so much intrigue behind the battle axes. fascinating to see how one poorly served fish at a dinner (as a made up example) upset so and so who insulted whats his names wife and then you know who got involved and they pissed off the other guys who angered the neighboring village and started the war that altered the course of human history completely. id like to know what that fish was. its the little things that make the big difference.  human history has proven that. also: dont serve bad fish.

  • If you could buy one book that would help you solve a problem in your life, what would it be and why? 

A book that was the roadmap to my life with a full list of spoiler alerts and God’s analysis at the end of each paragraph. Perfect for the indecisive me! Some things i dont want to be surprises….id like to see which path to take at certain times. as long as I able to reroute my life and the book updated itself each time to reflect those changes im all in!

  • Do you prefer to write at night or during the day? 

night time baby. 7pm to 3am are the golden hours. also, late morn,  if i arise to the occasion. rarely do  though.

  • If you could be any character from a book, who would you be and why? 

pris from bladerunner. after ive overrided the four year lifespan issue. and i guess the whole pleasure model issue. two words: kick. ass.

  • Do you prefer to read a printed book or an e-Book?

nothing better than the real thing. printed all the way. i hope we never lose the true paper on more paper book.

**********************************************************************************************

Ok, and here are the bloggers I am giving the Liebster Award to:

bluebutterfliesandme

gigoid

renard moreau presents

gwenniesgarden

chicquero

crazytraintotinkytown

leanne cole photography

dj storms blog

photosteam

a place called love

ajaytao 2010

petit4chocolatier

Please visit these fellow bloggers sites!! they’re amazing!… now i just have to notify everyone.. and this might take awhile.

alright. well its time for us to be signing off and slipping under the covers. of course odies already there. now just up to OM to join him in the divine realm of full color dream sleep.

goodnight odyssians!

LOVE O & OM

lone figure landscape: red reality

dear odyssians,

is not the lone figure landscape the ultimate oxymoron? someone had to take this pic. unless the camera was on a 10 minute delay. (its possible for this particular shot. most others i have seen…no)

i love these pics all the same. my new favorite style of landscape photographs has the isolasted human, unrecognizable due to size and shadow, walking amongst earths beauty. i guess the lone figure sums up everything i feel about our bizarre lives here as people on this remarkable planet.

ok i must confess that in this pic we can clearly make out that its a dude human wearing khaki shorts, white socks, hiking boots and a dark long sleeved shirt thats facing the camera. hes not decked out in the most stylist way to hike, but certainly the most practical. he has short dark hair and is of the caucasian persuasion.  in my usual lone figure landscape selections i tend to like the figure to be even more ambigous, but i made an exception here because the red color of the rocks surrounding him was so lovely.

as far as personal updates go. ive been painting. with mild success. nothing to go running to any gallery walls with. hopefully today proves to be a more fruitful endeavor. though i never paint fruit. i just paint odd abstract faces and hands. i love painting hands!!

and no. i havent forgotten about the play .

love odie and odie mama.

the future is now

my friend just told me that by 2017 burger king will only use free range chickens/eggs and cruel-free pork at all of its chains. thats amazing. 2017.  just say that date out loud. 2 0 1 7 . so futuristic. so far away on the horizon of existence. then the let down hit me. 2017, “the year of the future”, is only 5 years away. if we survive the mayan apocolypse in december what will we have to show for it? free range burger chain meat? thats not the techno sci fi advancement i thought we as humans would have accomplished by now. what happened to colonies on mars. wheres the spaceship that travels faster than the speed of light. shouldnt we have fended off our first interstellar attack from brain eating aliens and survived our own foolish nuclear war… by 2015?

we’re behind people. way behind. its halfway through 2012 and we’re still frying our brains with cellphones and using chemo to cure radiation. proof that our progress into the future has slowed to a cement drying crawl:  pictures from a website  called”people of walmart”. once youve seen these images you know a hope for far reaching island galaxy vacations, cryogenics and cold fusion are impossibities. (thats if you believe cold fusion wasnt really discovered in 89 and squashed faster than you can say “tesla was murdered and his greatest works stolen so that humanity and the environment could suffer under the cog of big energy for all eternity”. phew)

truth be told ive watched too many sci fi movies about our cool future and all the dope shit we were going to do by now. thats why my hopes are so overinflated and so under-met.  movies of all kinds portrayed huge planetary sized spaceships with food synthezisers, underwater  breathers, flying cars…and super intelligent android computer.s and that was just the james bond franchise!

the following list is what i expected. and didnt get. some of that im happy about but still. the list must be made:

ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK. (1981.)

in this 1 star film a crime-ridden United States has converted Manhattan Island in New York City  into a max security prison. the year: 1997.  lets admit that under mayor guliani’s “broken window” police policy we saw new york become one big prison in the 90s. but real-time nyc was nowhere near the coolness of what j. carpenter came up with for this wild sci fi pic.  plot: the president of usa crash lands behind enemy/prisoner lines and must be rescued by kurt russell in 1997 before the new yorker prisoners eat both of them alive.  true. nyc is a dangerous flaming asshole of corruption, crime, misery, despair, and crazy crackheads still not to the degree this movie predicted. bonus prediction points: eerily enough this movie was only 4 years off in predicting the total fucked up destruction of the twin towers via plane. hows the for prescience???

THE BLACK HOLE 1979

in the year 2130 A.D. an Earth exploratory ship, the USS Palomino, discovers a black hole with a lost ship, the USS Cygnus, just outside its event horizon. and heres my take: that sounds like some scary shit, doesnt it?.. too bad theres no way we’ll be  off our backwater planet called earth anytime soon. dont get me wrong, i love our home. weve got a lot of cool stuff here. for now. but theres no way in 100 years were going to have the capability to fly to the far galaxies and deal with some weird time portal caca… on a more positive note,  if we do make it we will have robots that look better than the flying ashtray trashcans used in the movie.  they were literally clunkers. you could see the  cardboard and strings hanging from them. the rest of the effects had a styrofoam feeling to them.  hard to believe “the black hole” was made a decade  after 1968’s 2001 and at the same time as ridleys alien… i also hope by 2130 we wont be wearing those horrendous space suit long john looking jumpers that everyone had on.

2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY  (1968)

well we certainly missed the cool tech shown in this film in 2001 by a long shot. i almost dont even want to comment on how far behind we are here. pan am doesnt exist. no quick trips to the moon. no higher power has come to enlighten us. no monoliths  screaming to us some alien code (that theyve revealed). its 2012 and we still wait in line for 6 dollar iced cappucinos. and wonder what color flurescent neon pants theyll convince us to buy this summer. oh look. kim is dating kanye!!  lets call it kimye.. what was a writing about?

2010 THE YEAR WE MADE CONTACT  (1984)

really. 2010? the year we made contact. oh please.  2010 was the year of “popcorn lung”, the chilean miners, and lohan back in rehab. . 2010 was the year of  the gulf oil spill which the genii decided to clean up, i mean sink to the ocean floor,  with toxic chemicals so now our shrimp have no eyes and our fish have lesions.  its 2012 and i can barely get my computer to post blogs when its supposed to. i bemoan our slow  techno evolution. a pair of titties and a tweet from a celeb has more pull than balancing our budget, saving our planet and saving our asses.   it would be nice if  ‘the enlightened entity/peaceful godlike overlord” returned to our neck of the galactic woods  to make contact and a star was born out of jupiters death..thus creating the two suns depicted in this film and spurring us into world wide peace. chance of this happening in next 200 years? nil.  i just thought of a new movie title. 2017. the year we ate humane chicken.

BICENTENNIAL MAN 1999

a family purchases a fully functional bulter/robot in 2005.   really?  we didnt even get ipads until 2010. great movie btw. robin williams is a such a lifelike robot hes almost human. dammit. he is human.  i know siri can talk but..but  she cant pour you a cup of tea. or hug you. or change your nappies. or read bedtime stories and emote and love you. nor could siri convert herself to human body parts over two centuries and become…..h u m a n. sorry for the spoiler.

SOYLENT GREEN 1973

new york. 2022. new york has  a pop. of 40 million people?? Housing is dilapidated and overcrowded; homeless people fill the streets and line fire escapes and stairways. the whole world suffers from depleted resources, poverty, dying oceans, and a hot climate due to the greenhouse effectt. food is scarce. and the people are eating what? holy shit!!! (ill let you see the movie to see the surprised for yourself). now the part about our pollution and global warming being an insurmountable problem in 2022  i agree with . but to the extent the movie showed wont hit til more like 2080.  that means weve still got more time to party! when it comes to meeting timelines of the futuristic movies we even fucked up on fucking up our planet. cant we do anything right? yes i am glad we missed this target. and that women arent sold with apartments along with the furniture…

ROLLERBALL 1975

2018. the world is a global corporate state containing entities such as the Energy Corporation, a global energy monopoly based in Houston which deals with nominally-peer corporations controlling access to all transport, luxury, housing, communication, and food on a global basis. yes…this is true in some way. but the accuracy prediction ends there. and thank god. i dont mind that we dont have grown men in spandex rolling around circle tracks on old school skates and  killing themselves while pounding metals balls into holes. im sure someone laments that this isnt a real sport. but not me. alas the things about this version of the future that i do miss are the gun that explodes pine trees, the cool hospital bed thingys, the inter-continental superfast travel, the fullscreen simulation screens, the brandy and the nonlibrary libraries. leave the tacky fashion trends and jumpsuits at the door. what the hell is it with the future and jumpsuits. tight. orange (in that particular 70s orange color) jumpsuits on men???

THE  ABYSS 1989.

we certainly missed the dealine for having one man underwater subermergables and being able to breath amniotic fluids as an adult while you chat with cool phosphorescent sea aliens who save mankind from a crew member thats gone ptsd ape shit and tries to shove a nuke up everyones ass in the late 80’s (i think thats the time setting for this film)… but my laptop can cook eggs when its gets hot.  thats only 30 years later…hows that for progress?

BLADERUNNER 1982

one of my fave movies of all time. sci fi or not. (i wonder what the sequel is going to look like. i heard its in the works) heres what wiki has to say: The film depicts a dystopian Los Angeles in November 2019 in which genetically engineered organic robots called replicants—visually indistinguishable from adult humans—are manufactured by the powerful Tyrell Corporation as well as by other “mega–manufacturers” around the world. yeah. right. this movie also predicted large mining colonies called “off worlds”. our hope for l.a. is that by 2019 they figure out a better mass transit system. and in and out burger switches to free range chicken too.

TERMINATOR 1984

Schwarzenegger plays the Terminator, a cyborg assassin sent back in time from the year 2029 to 1984 to kill Sarah Connor, played by Hamilton.  by the way:  Skynet, the massive artificial intelligence network that nukes the wrold and kills all people and created terminators, gained self-awareness  on April 19th, 2011, at 8:11PM, according to trivia philes.  (or was it suppposed to happen in 1997, like the terminator predicted?). wake up computers… youre human destruction timeline is lapsing. youve missed both timelines to destroy us.

so many more movies with future timelines we havent and will not meet: star wars, star trek, event horizon, wall-e, farenheit 451, etc…

—————————————————————————————————————————————————

what i will say we are ahead of the curve on is medicine. we’ve managed to discover a wide array of illnesses (and expensive medicines) that the best doctors of our past never imagined we would  have invented by now; restless leg sydrome. addhd.  add. daa? copd. and a variety of disorders and maladies too numerous to list.

so take care kids. enjoy the year of the now.

love odie and odie mama.

and dont forget to get flu shots for everybody! especially babies and pregnant women.

and vaccines.

im just visiting.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints.  We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.  We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.  We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.  We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years.  We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.  We conquered outer space but not inner space.  We’ve done larger things, but not better things.

We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.  We write more, but learn less.  We plan more, but accomplish less.  We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait.  We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.

These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.  These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.  It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.  A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete…

Remember, to spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.  Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.

Remember, to say, “I love you” to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it.  A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person might not be there again.  Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.” <—————-

notice the quote mark at the end…yeah. i didnt write this. im just visiting..its a quote from bob moorehead. originally i was going to steal this like any other great author but then i thought better about it and decided to borrow it. and soemtimes thats ok. thanks bob!

what wisdom in his words. and what a great way to write it. it was so spiritual and grounded that I actually thought it was a quote from the dalai lama at first read. and while i dont agree  with bob that we’ve cleaned up the air, i do agree with everything else. and so im glad i got to share it here with you.

ok. one more confession. I didnt even find this quote all by myself. i borrowed it  from a friend who in turn copied it from a great website of great quotes and emailed it to me. he knows  that ive been super contemplative this past few weeks and wanted to bring me perspective. now this leads me to wonder where he got all the quotes from. he has yet to fill me in on  the source, but when he does ill share it with you. all i do know is that he sent me a lot of good material. and i was able to sneak around a bit and find a few more on my won. so for todays blog im going to share other peoples quotes. if they said it better why not just borrow it…

and now a short one..

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”

― Maya Angelou

this reminds me of what ive been writing about lately in my blogs. that undiscussed aspect of the work behind splendor and beauty and achievement.. there’s great effort put into things that look so effortless in their perfection.

and now for this:

“When I was a child, adults would tell me not to make things up, warning me of what would happen if I did. As far as I can tell so far, it seems to involve lots of foreign travel and not having to get up too early in the morning.”

―    Neil Gaiman,    Smoke and Mirrors

when i first read this i didnt understand it was about writing. because i dont know neil gaiman. my friend kindly cleared this up for me. i guess its more about being a successful writer and what that lifestyle means. this is the what a writers “butterfly life” looks like.

heres another quote from neil. this one however is clearly about the writing process. the larval stages.. the development process can be shear hell. all writers understand this…

“People talk about books that write themselves, and it’s a lie.  Books don’t write themselves.  It takes thought and research and backache and notes and more time and more work than you’d believe.”  ―    Neil Gaiman,    Smoke and Mirrors

and in terms of where ideas come from: the magic behind this. gods hand in creating the beauty of the finished butterfly is irrationally magnificent.

Confluence.  Things come together.  The right ingredients and suddenly: Abracadabra!”  ―    Neil Gaiman,    Smoke and Mirrors

and some funny lines that are part of the finished process…i love this quote. clever, unique writing..

I saw her chewing gum, when I was thirteen, and I fell for her like a suicide from a bridge.”  ―    Neil Gaiman,    Smoke and Mirrors

alrighty everyone.

going to bed.

i actually got out of the house, met a friend, and had a tropical cocktail in  a makeshift tiki hut where there was sand on the bar floor in brooklyn of all places!. theres so much great stuff out there that ive been missing. it was really cool. and my drink had an orange slice, a little blue umbrella, and two straws, one with a fake tropical flower. i was in heaven. rum, blue curacao, pineapple, and soda. and ten gallons tall. delish. i kept the straw!

funny because last week i was blogging about not being able to sit back and have a nice relaxing tropical cocktail with the funny umbrella! the gods must have heard me.

alright for real this time.

a very relaxed, much happier.

odie mama.

 

seoul layed bear*

im missing something character wise.   that thing that allows one to face insurmountable challenges and power through them. that thing within that makes one love his work more than his play. (great pun since my struggle to complete writing a play triggerd this deep self analysis). im missing  that thing that makes one want to be independent. that thing that makes one bold. for the shy shall never succeed.

it was my everlasting hope that through writing this blog, an honest journey and exploration of my thoughts and writing,  i would find that one missing character component that has eluded me. yes, im hoping that there is a single deficiency for my issues. id like to wholly rectify it. and accomplish my sky reaching dreams.

6 years ago  i started work on an amazing 1000 page novel. my most poignant and rich tale. my lifes ouvre. naturlly i never finished it.

from the moment my pen touched that first sheet of paper, filled it with all of those wonderful ideas for that novel/ my truest essense of writer and artist and adventurer meeting/ i struggled to complete it. the book, now only 50% done, sits in a box. on a shelf. just a few feet from me at this moment. covered in dust. why?

it was 5 years ago that i came to the awful realization that im not that person that wants to jump out of bed in the morning and work until the sun sets until the project is done. and sold. and on a shelf.  no matter how imporant or amazing i believe this project to be. (though i cut myself some slack realizing that writing your first novel is unpaid, unmonitored, self motivated work and i hand wrote it).

5 years ago i realized i wastn a person able to forgo (sp?) all manner of distraction  and  other earthbound delights in order to sit alone in a room and correct the intracicies of dialogue, or work though a complicated plot twist. its not within my nature to be that man. im more of the dreamer by the window easily distracted. like my cat.

is this fixable? and what be the cause?

lets talk cause first.

i should have done a tour of duty in WWII. let me clarify this and say i should ahve signed up for the navy and gone out and done my duty for country in the 40’s. i wouldnt do this in another time period. something about the second great war and the idealogy of the time and the way the country was and the way it build character is what im looking for.  i mean that seriously.  and i mean that with no disrespect to those who served. rather its with reverance that i say this. i missed some very important steps in the character building department because of  my lack of exposure to brute force discipline. conformity. and bootstrap principles. these prinicples, the conformity and regimen of being a soldier,  would have amended my tendency to throw in the towel at the first hint of obstacle.  soldiering is about overcoming obstacles. surviving. teamwork. honor. integrity. and above all hardwork and dedication. even when youre alone.

instead i was born in soft nappys. wrapped warm. fed milk like that damned exotic moth from “silence of the lambs”. and i was kept in the dark like that moth. though thankfully not looked after by buffalo bill types. i knew not even a whim of social ills.  felt nary a chill wind nor drop of rain clouded my days. though my family were kept as slaves not even 3 generations before mine i was not reminded of this struggle. and the shit show that life can be.  i was loved. too much.  and i still wear and hat and scarf on 65 degree days to prove it. thus was my “nurture”.

lets dig deeper. lets talk about my current nature. nature in the sense of the reality ive created based on  a set of ingrained tendencies and learned behaviors.

i hate to admit this next truth.fuck it.  here it is. laid bare.

ive used my intelligence and appearance to continue a life lived in “moth” mode.  ive constructed an existence where i am protected and sheltered by those who love me. i have made sure ive remained a child in so many ways, though next month im going to be 32. at 32  my parents started our family! what the hell am i doing? im so far from being able to take care of myself i cant even imagine how they were able to bring life into the world and support another living person. i feel unprepared. and irresponsible. for some of lifes most basic tasks. i feel like im  15 years old. maybe 12.

im getting very emotional as i write this. but im fine. ill continue though part of me is ashamed at my lack of work ethic. at my own self serving indulgence. at my ability to thwart responsibility for most real life things. you see ive just now started  to face this “easy road” reality ive created.  started to dislike it. and pull up the rug on it. and the emotions brought up from such an exploration are not pleasant. this process is a bit like being an opiate addict and kicking the pills. all the years of avoided pain/struggle/responsiblity come rushing at you all at once. thats whats happening to me. though my specific process is happning in a more controlled way.  im  in  raft and i havent lost the oars. im holding it together and seeing small little changes. in my mindset mostly. this is the initial stage of change. but somewhere deep inside i feel sad and crazy. and guilty.

“im a shirk and jive man.”  -odie mama.

song and dance man requires work. and practice…

nature? nurture?  i talked about this a little bit.. but lets revisit from another angle. can you believe i was thinking about not writing my daily blog entry today and look what this has turned into. maybe i was just subconsiously afraid to put all this shit on paper?…too late now..

ive spent the last few years looking for the seeds of my indolence. and i looked no further than the small wading pool that is my gene pool. this is not about inbreeding. more about life achievements.

am i like my parents? am i not like them. how in those ways? or am i just a bad see of worst spawn spin off….  talented. directionless. idle… a perfect recipe for insanity. and early onset ______? suicide?  thats hot it either. maybe failure?  i cant think of  word. fill in the blank as you wish.

as for that nurture. beyond the family realm: lets look at my political socio economic societal background things that fucked me up. though part of the blame anyone else mentality its still of vital importance to look into.

i was born a middle class black and white child. it was the 80s. neon pants abound (why the fuck are they back in style in 2012?? they look shite). debbie gibson on the radio. crimped hair sitting pretty on the popular girls domes. the future was bright (with the possiblity of nuclear war. not that we were scared. no school yard evac drills: no point in diving under your desks if your face is being fried off with plutonium.)

for us sheltered kids of the liberal suburbs of chicago it was all pie in the sky.

we were told “you can be whatever you want to be”. now i look around and see a generation of fucked up people. my peers. we cant save our money. we cant plan for tomorrow. we hate being told no. now substitue the “we” for “I” and all my issues are revealed.  is my happy go luck schoolyard experience one of the reasons really why im disfuctional though?…

you bet!

“suzy wants to be a fireman”.

in the 80s  when suzy revealed this as her future dream  job all they said was “thats great”. draw yourself as a fireman on paper with these crayons.

what they should ahve said is …”well suzy, youre a woman. so its going to be hard. for these reasons. and suzy, youre a minority so youre going to face these challenges. and even if youre not any of these things with these special challenged,  if you dont work hard at becoming a fireman you will never make it”.

dont tell her is “all gravy”. tell her it will be virtually impossible without the work. so she can be prepared for the no. and power through it..

i wish theyd told us that the basic premise of the universe is “it aint easy”, “people will always say no”, and “youre going to have to work harder than you ever thought you could if you have any hope of making it..and even then that might not be enough”. thats not discouraging. thats called real world preparedness. its not all show tunes and icecream. the background music stops. there might not be a chair there for you when it does. (cuz no ones going to be saving on for you in most workable scenarios. unles you pay for it.

shit happens. i wish id had a little more of that. even from my wise folks. and theyre good people. this isnt about throwing them udner the bus…

now at my ripe old age im going to have to go out and do all that realization stuff for myself. and hope that its not too late to face the music.  i am the captain of this ship…

i think im ready for the grown up world. on some levels…

love,

ode mama.

*an easy code to break. not an easy blog to read…thanks for making it to the end.

p.s. layed was a legit way to spell laid until the 17th century